How INFJs Can Lose Out

INFJs walk in the footsteps of such illustrious figures as Carl Jung, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, and Eleanor Roosevelt, to name a few. The path can be challenging. But for INFJs who struggle to evolve throughout their lives, it’s a rewarding one. However, problems can come up if one or more Myers-Briggs functions move to the […]
Source: Your Secret Self

3 replies
  1. Annie
    Annie says:

    Oh so true, particularly expectations/idealism – thank you.
    Do you have insights into how we might better tap into the flexible perceiving function? My judging is only “slight” over perceiving (22%) but in the context of disappointed expectations the perceiving function is going to have a fight an internal battle to try to learn to shed expectations and face current realities…
    In appreciation of your beacon 🙂

    • beaconadmin
      beaconadmin says:

      Avoiding expectations isn’t easy. Nor is giving up idealism. After all, they both feel good. The trouble is that when they’re out of sync with reality, disappointment results. Usually, the Myers-Briggs Judging and Feeling functions are responsible for the letdown.

      Judging and perceiving are different ways of looking at the world. The judger likes labels, clear definitions, and predictions about the future. Perceivers are better at taking events as they are without labeling and categorizing them or requiring closure. The process of making predictions and expecting them to come true is an abstract form of closure.

      In my opinion, cognitive therapy is the biggest help for people who worry or are disappointed easily. In 1989, Dr. David Burns, a cognitive therapist, published a book, “The Feeling Good Handbook,” that’s the best I’ve seen. You can buy a used copy on Amazon for less than a dollar. I’ve been using mine for almost twenty years.

      The book tells you how to spot cognitive distortions that give rise to failed expectations. There are ten: 1) all or nothing thinking, 2) overgeneralization (seeing negative events as never-ending patterns), 3) dwelling on the negatives and ignoring the positives, 4) discounting the positives, 5) jumping to conclusions (mind-reading or fortune-telling), 6) magnifying or minimizing situations, 7) reasoning emotionally, 8) making “should” statements, 9) labeling (saying “I’m a fool” instead of “I made a mistake”), and 10) blaming (self or others).

      Cognitive distortions can be reversed by the process of “reframing,” that is, seeing problems in their larger, more realistic contexts. Dr. Burns’ book describes many ways of doing this. The first, which I’ve used for years, is writing down the details of your negative thoughts and then seeing which of the cognitive distortions apply. There are many others.

      I recommend that you buy the book. Let us know if it helped.

      • Annie
        Annie says:

        Thank you so much for showing how what is perceived as a battle might become a journey. Have ordered the handbook and shall also enjoy the beams of your blog 🙂

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