As one of sixteen Myers-Briggs types, the INFJ is introverted (I), intuitive (N), feeling (F), and judging (J). A little different from the ISFP—who shares the introverted (I) and feeling (F) traits but not the intuitive (N) and judging (J) traits.

Both have a need for some privacy to collect themselves and regroup. If the INFJ says to an ISFP partner, “I think I’ll go out and straighten up the garage,” the ISFP is likely to interpret this as a need for time alone and say “Good idea,” rather than “Want me to come?” Or, if the ISFP heads outside with watercolors and paintbrush, the INFJ probably won’t offer to tag along. They both treasure their private space.

Their feeling (F) function makes them sensitive to each other’s needs—another Myers-Briggs trait they share. In fact, they base most of their personal decisions upon the impact they’ll have on others. Before making any large purchases, accepting invitations, or making important choices, they consult their partners.

Of course, feelings still get hurt sometimes. After attending a party where the couple doesn’t know many people, the INFJ may comment, “My feelings were hurt when you left me stranded at the buffet table.” An ISFP partner doesn’t retort, “Well, can’t you take care of yourself?” He or she is more likely to say “Gosh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you felt that way.”

Their shared traits of introversion (I) and feeling (F) make them understand each other’s tendency to be shy. They realize that both are too critical of themselves, tending to undervalue their skills. The positive aspect of this is that they can offer mutual reassurance.

Sensing (S) vs. Intuition (N)

An important difference between the INFJ and ISFP lies in their intuitive/sensing (I/S) functions. Intuitive types rely on their hunches to make decisions. They don’t take in all the details that the sensing person does, but they can draw sound conclusions without them. The sensing type has a watchful eye and misses nothing. In their world, decisions should be based on facts, not hunches.

Driving home from a meeting, the sensing person may say, “Did you see the Rolex Jason was wearing and the Vuitton case he was carrying?” The intuitive partner may answer, “I thought something was up when he kept looking at his watch and opening his briefcase. What a show-off!”

Perceiving (P) vs. Judging (J)

The couple’s differences in perceiving (P) and judging (J) can sometimes cause friction because the INFJ makes decisions more impulsively than the methodical ISFP. Perceiving (P) types like to postpone closure as long as possible, being more comfortable with open-ended situations.

Shopping for a printer, the INFJ may be satisfied with the prices and ratings on Amazon and be ready to order online. Not the ISFP. “I want to see what the print-outs look like,” says the ISFP. Or, “Maybe we can find a better price somewhere else.”

Unless the INFJ appreciates the ISFP’s need to keep decisions open-ended until the last minute—and until the ISFP understands the INFJ’s impatience for closure—they may be in for some frustrating moments. Because of their judging (J) function, INFJs rarely miss deadlines and are always on time for appointments. ISFPs, as perceivers (P), are inclined to make deadlines by the skin of their teeth and be anywhere from five to thirty minutes late for social events.

Falling in Love

Falling in love is a major event for both INFJs and ISFPs. In the first stages of an affair, they’re seldom separated, immersing themselves in each other’s company. If the relationship continues, they’re usually loyal partners. One may even change careers or relocate for the good of the partnership.

INFJs and ISFPs are good at entertaining each other with their wide-ranging interests and taste for adventure. Together they make take up new activities such as camping, art, or gourmet cooking. Of the two, the ISFP is inclined to be more graceful and athletic because they enjoy the feeling of their bodies in motion. They often excel at physical activities requiring both sensitivity and strength, such as dancing and figure skating.

The main problems that INFJs and ISFPs face usually stem from their tendency to avoid disagreements. They may fail to stand up for or even recognize their own emotional needs. If the air isn’t cleared and resentments are allowed to develop, the relationship can be damaged to the point where one or the other strays, looking for a more agreeable partner. This can be devastating for the person left behind, as both types are naturally vulnerable to rejection and prone to self-criticism.


When an INFJ meets an ESTP, some special chemistry must be at work for them to enjoy time together. These Myers-Briggs types are exact opposites.

The INFJ (I) is introverted—a private person. The ESTP (E) is sociable and outgoing. INFJs rely more on intuition (N) than concrete facts to reach conclusions. ESTPs use their sensing (S) function to get information from the immediate environment. INFJs take action based on their feeling (F) function, evaluating the impact of their decisions on others. ESTPs pride themselves on their ability to reach decisions based on logic (T). Finally, INFJs like to bring closure to situations, a judging (J) function. ESTPs like to keep decisions open-ended. They’re happy-go-lucky about appointment times and deadlines—unlike INFJs, who arrive places on time and meet their deadlines.

If it’s true that opposites attract, that surely must be the case for INFJs and ESTPs.


Introverted (I) INFJs approach friendship in a quiet, thoughtful way. They are comfortable alone or with one or two close friends. ESTPs can be found wherever the action is.

While both types have a sense of humor, INFJs lean toward subtle, dry wit whereas ESTPs paint their humor in broad strokes. Some INFJs find the bluff approach of ESTPs a bit much. ESTPs often find INFJs a little boring. Both types like to laugh, but they find their humor in different places.

The intuitive (N) INFJ observes what’s going on—requiring a limited amount of concrete information to guess where events are headed and determine what decisions to make. INFJs rely on hunches. And they’re usually on target. They’re more interested in the meaning of events than in the events themselves. Sensing (S) ESTPs wonder how their INFJ friends can jump to conclusions based on so little evidence. It seems crazy to them. The fact that the INFJ is often right is an unexplainable mystery.


INFJs are big on romance and physical intimacy. Their introversion, intuition and feeling traits set them up for it. For ESTPs, love has less to do with intimacy than it does with finding a fun partner with whom to share life’s adventures.

While the INFJ is cautious in the first stages of a relationship due to fear of rejection, the ESTP is the opposite. Winning an exciting partner is a challenge—in fact, it’s one of the main objects of romance. Because ESTPs would rather make romantic moves on the ski slopes than in the bedroom, the INFJ can get disappointed in the relationship. ESTPs are generally not creative or passionate lovers.

Unlike most INFJs, ESTPs are risk takers, whether the risks are physical, financial or intellectual. They’re willing to play for high stakes in the hope of high rewards. They especially enjoy looking for loopholes or unusual pay-offs relative to the time or money invested.

To the INFJ, this is foolhardy. The pipe dreams of the ESTP seem risky to the INFJ and frequently the product of poor judgment. In a partnership, this can cause trouble over time. ESTPs tend to lay themselves open to con schemes. INFJs are usually too intuitive to fall for them. The question is, can an INFJ get an ESTP partner to listen?

When a partner ends a relationship, it’s a bitter pill for the INFJ to swallow. In contrast, an abandoned ESTP will be unhappy for a while but soon decide that life is too short for grief and sadness. ESTPs know how to cut their losses and face new challenges.

Family Life

INFJs are enjoyable to live with, offering the family intimacy as well as intellectual stimulation. ESTPs are fun to live with, too, but for different reasons. Their spontaneity keeps things lively and their practical orientation to life makes sure that things get done.

While INFJs have no trouble taking action when it’s appropriate, they do think before jumping in. ESTPs are more likely to fly by the seat of their pants. If the family dog escapes from the yard and runs off, the ESTP is in the car immediately, patrolling the neighborhood and calling the dog’s name. “Bruno! Bruno! Where are you?” The INFJ, thinking before acting, recalls that Bruno has a doggie friend one block away. Acting on a hunch, he or she calls the neighbor. Sure enough, Bruno is scratching at the chain link fence where his friend stands waiting, tail wagging.

ESTPs know how to anticipate the needs of partners and children when it suits them. Occasionally, though, they’re so direct that feelings are hurt when they overlook ordinary courtesies. INFJs may have to overcome their conflict-avoidant style to point this out to the ESTP for the good of everyone involved.

As parents, INFJs and ESTPs work in harmony. Both have realistic expectations of their children. They don’t need to see straight A’s when report cards come home as long as the children are applying themselves and working toward goals that are productive and make them happy.

INFJs aren’t the tidiest people in the world, but they’re better than ESTPs, who tend to live in cluttered home environments. That’s because ESTPs have so much going on at once—much of it requiring supplies and equipment. However, they may keep certain areas of the house organized enough that they can find the right thing when it’s needed. The parts of their home that are orderly usually relate to their hobbies or special interests.

ESTPs often try to talk family members into risk-taking sports such as hang-gliding, white-water rafting, or downhill skiing. They tire of safe domestic routines. Attacking the unpredictable gives them a rush. INFJs aren’t as adventurous and may balk at the suggestion of sports that threaten life and limb.

Secrets of Success

An important bond for the INFJ/ESTP couple is the love they share for children, close relatives, friends, and even pets. They may have different perspectives on the world, but at least they share the rose-colored glasses of affection.

In the intimacy of their partnership, they should realize that a little give and take is in order. INFJs do well to expand their social activities with ESTPs, spending time as a couple with friends and relatives. ESTPs need to pay attention to the emotional needs of the INFJs, at least some of the time.

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What happens when an INFJ meets an ESFP? Is there an instant attraction? Do they repel each other like two magnets?

Looking at their personality traits, you’d think they have little in common. When an early attraction persists, it’s cause for wonder. Usually, the bond is associated with their shared feeling (F) trait.

Introversion (I) vs. Extraversion (E)

The first big difference lies in the INFJ’s need for privacy vs. the ESFP’s preference for social contact. On the introversion/extraversion (I/E) scale, the inwardly focused nature of INFJs causes them to be reserved and, in extreme cases, reclusive. They dislike crowds and need considerable time alone. They’re worn out by prolonged social interaction. In contrast, extraverts are social butterflies. The company of other people energizes them. Being left alone too long makes them feel anxious and disorganized.

When an INFJ and ESFP are getting ready to go to a party, the INFJ may say, “Do we really have to go? I’d rather stay home and watch the Ferris Bueller movie again.” The ESFP is likely to reply, “C’mon, the party will be fun. We’ll see old friends. If you’re bored we can leave early.”

To which the INFJ responds, “I can promise you, I’ll want to leave early. And I know you. You won’t.” And so it’s likely to go.

Intuition (N) vs. Sensing (S)

The difference in Myers-Briggs traits can be more divisive for the partners in terms of their intuitive (N) vs. sensing traits. The well-developed intuition (N) of INFJs gives them a talent for interpreting the meaning of events around them on limited evidence. Their hunches are usually well-founded. To the sensing (S) ESFP, this makes no sense. ESFPs draw conclusions based on what they see and hear in the immediate environment. They’re less concerned about the meaning behind people’s actions than they are with the actions themselves.

On the way home from the party mentioned above, the ESFP may say, “Wow, did you see the ring on Jill’s finger? I guess they’re getting married after all.” To which the INFJ may respond, “I don’t know, they looked pretty tense with each other. I wouldn’t count on it.”

The ESFP thinks, “What? A ring is a ring! We all know what that means.” The INFJ thinks, “Ring? Who cares about the ring? I can tell there’s trouble in that relationship.” Mostly likely, the INFJ is right.

Perceiving (P) vs Judging (J)

INFJs and ESFPs are also worlds apart on their perceiving (P) and judging (J) traits, especially if they tend to be at extreme ends of the scales. Perceiving ESFPs are easy-going and fun-loving. If they’re a little late for an appointment or miss it entirely, oh well. Manaña is the name of the game. Not for the INFJ. To be late is almost a sin.

When frustrations arise in a relationship, they’re often due to P/J differences in the decision-making styles of the two types. ESFPs like to delay decisions until the last possible moment. In their view, there’s always more information to be gathered. They’re less concerned about bringing decisions to a close than enjoying the ride. INFJs prefer closure. They want to sign the contract and whip out their credit card. They’re more interested in reaching their destination than enjoying the scenery along the way. In old Type A—Type B terms, the INFJ is a Type A and the ESFP is a Type B.

When an INFJ/ESFP couple decide to buy a refrigerator, the INFJ goes to the computer, looks up comparative data and prices, and consults Consumer Reports for  recommendations. By the time the partners walk out the door the next day to shop, the INFJ has already decided on a refrigerator, including the make and model.

Not so fast, says the partner. We’d better look around. They visit every appliance store in town before sundown, and still the ESFP hasn’t made a decision. They’d better go back on Sunday, the ESFP says. The INFJ is going crazy. Before they left the house that morning, the INFJ knew which refrigerator they should buy. He or she would like to wring the partner’s neck.

Feeling (F) vs. Thinking (T)

Vive la feeling! At least the two types have this preference in common. Both are concerned with the other’s emotional comfort. They’re careful of the impact of their words, actions, and decisions upon the other. Both are kind, compassionate people.

Their feeling trait helps them work through the incompatible aspects of their personalities. The ESFP member of the couple is optimistic, playful and fun-loving. Of the two refrigerator shoppers, he or she takes the most outgoing, enthusiastic view of life. The INFJ is more focused and driven. Because they love each other, they make allowances and put effort into getting along and enjoying each other’s company. They give each other wiggle room.

The balance is important. If the INFJ is too demanding and insists that the partner make a choice by noon on Saturday based on Consumer Reports data, the person may pay later. The first time the refrigerator makes a funny noise, the ESFP will say, “See? I told you we should look around more.”

The secret of a successful INFJ/ESFP relationship lies in the couple’s tolerance, compassion and mutual enjoyment of life together. Their feeling function—their love for each other—is a major factor in the growth and stability of the partnership.

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Differences Between Introverts and Extraverts

Most of us think we know the difference between introverts and extraverts. Introverts seldom go anywhere, right? They’d rather stay at home and read a book. Extraverts are party animals. Wherever the action is, that’s where you’ll find them. Introverts don’t talk much. Extraverts talk all the time.

To some extent, this is true. But there’s much more to it than that.

Introverts don’t just find a hole somewhere and sit in it, protected from the outside world. They’re recharging their batteries, collecting their thoughts, and getting their feelings organized. When they’re in the outside world, they’re certainly able to be friendly and talkative some of the time. But after a while they tire out. They need privacy to regroup, think things over, and decide what it all means. If they’ve been let down by a friend, they want to mull the matter over before talking about it. Not extraverts. Too much time alone makes them antsy. When left in solitude for a long period, they get irritable. They need to talk to other people. It’s how they get their energy.

If you send an introvert and an extravert to a party together, you can almost count on the introvert suggesting they leave early and the extravert wanting to stay until the lights are turned out. The difference? The introvert is being depleted of energy. The extravert is recharging.

Here are some of the hallmarks of the two types:


• Gathers energy from thinking and reflecting in private.

• Needs plenty of time alone.

• When in social settings, comes across as reserved.

• Is drained by prolonged exposure to groups, at work or anywhere else.

• At parties, talks to only two or three people, preferably previous acquaintances.

• Suspicious of people who seem too glib.

• Doesn’t reveal personal information readily.

• Dislikes being interrupted while concentrating on something.


• Comes to life in group settings. Mixes easily in crowds.

• Needs the stimulation of social activities to function effectively.

• Knows a lot of people and considers many of them friends.

• Can work and function in noisy, busy settings.

• Isn’t distracted by the TV, radio, or conversations of others.

• Tends to dominate conversations, especially with introverts.

• Approaches strangers as easily as friends.

• Discloses personal information readily.

• Needs frequent attention and affirmation from others.

Subtleties of Introversion and Extraversion

Carl Jung, the Swiss psychoanalyst whose work on personality types opened up the field of personality typology in the early 1900s, introduced the concepts of introversion and extraversion. These ideas were further developed by Isabel Myers and Katherine Briggs, creators of the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory.

As the words introvert and extravert are used these days, they miss some of the subtleties of the original Jungian terms. Now, people think of introverts as shy, withdrawn people. They think of extraverts as talkative, outgoing types. Jung intended the words to indicate not where a person’s actions are invested but the source of their psychological energy.

Extraverts focus their attention on people and events in the external world. Introverts focus on their inner world. As personality preferences, one is no better than the other. Both are simply ways that people construct meaning from their experiences.

It’s important to remember that the functions of introversion and extraversion are preferences, not rigid personality characteristics. While introverts may be reserved and quiet most of the time, they’re quite capable of being talkative and outgoing when a topic comes up that interests them. The same is true if they’re talking with close friends about subjects of mutual interest.

Speaking from personal experience, I have friends who swear that I’m an extravert. They’re wrong. Nothing pleases me more than checking my calendar and finding that I have no appointments that day. However, when I do have appointments and they engage my interests, I look like an extravert—outgoing and enthusiastic. What I’m not interested in are meetings devoted solely to social interaction.

Are extraverts always talkative and outgoing? Not necessarily. While they are energized by the company of others and enjoy contributing to conversations, they are capable of being quiet observers. The defining factor is where their attention is focused. Extraverted news reporters, for example, may have little to say while watching and recording a public event. While they are absorbed in filming, recording or taking notes, they may be mostly quiet and observant. As soon as these extraverts have done their jobs, however, they’re likely to feel a need to talk with others about what they’ve witnessed. Introverts, on the other hand, will process the information internally first and talk about it later.

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The main difference between INFJs and ISFJs is that INFJs are more perceptive. They pick up on the motives of others quickly. Because they’re so sharp at spotting phony behaviors in people, their judgments are sometimes harsh. On the other hand, ISFJs are somewhat naïve.
Source: Your Secret Self


Like INFJs, INTJs are organizers. As a result they often rise to leadership positions. Both types are good at seeing the big picture and solving problems.
Source: Your Secret Self

INFJ Men as Lovers

If you’re lucky enough to find an INFJ man, don’t count on his making the first move. INFJs are rarely to first ones to initiate social contact.
Source: Your Secret Self


It’s obvious looking at the letters I-N-F-J and I-S-T-P that these two Myers-Briggs personality types are very different. The only trait they have in common is their introversion. Both types enjoy privacy. They find meaning not from superficial experiences but from their contemplation of them.  Sensing vs. Intuition Because ISTPs rely on their sensing preference […]
Source: Your Secret Self

Famous INFJs—The Good and the Evil

  INFJs are the rarest Myers-Briggs personality type—found in only one percent of the population. The combination of introversion, intuition, feeling and judging make INFJs insightful, persuasive, charismatic, and passionate. When famous INFJs worked for good, they were positive forces in the world. When they turned evil, they became dangerous and desperate people. INFJs whose childhood influences nourished […]
Source: Your Secret Self