People of the INFJ and ENFJ Myers-Briggs types usually make compatible friends and partners. It makes sense when you look at their shared traits: intuition, feeling, and judging. The two types differ only in their tendencies toward introversion and extraversion, and that’s not all bad. The introverted INFJ is likely to encourage the ENFJ to spend time together so they can enjoy each other’s company in private. The ENFJ, in turn, promotes participation in social activities and group events. This is good for the INFJ, at least some of the time.
Like ENFJs, INFJs have a sixth sense for the needs of others. As friends, they often work on projects that involve helping people. The difference between the two is that the INFJ isn’t as obvious or demonstrative. The interpersonal skills of ENFJs make others want to join them. The INFJ is there to back up the ENFJ’s efforts. ENFJs are quick to show their gratitude to friends and co-workers and are generally well liked. INFJs are more reserved. It takes effort for them to show their emotions.
ENFJs and INFJs enjoy activities that require teamwork, especially service work. INFJs do, too, but they’re not as outwardly enthusiastic and verbal. While ENFJs often find themselves pushed into leadership positions at work and in the community, INFJs are happy to let them have the spotlight. They’re satisfied to serve their ENFJ friends as consultants and collaborators.
Both INFJs and ENFJs have strong personalities, radiate authenticity, and rarely betray their ideals. Both are skilled verbally, the INFJ more in writing than speaking. They have an eloquence that helps bring people together in a common cause. They enjoy working together.
When an INFJ and ENFJ are attracted to each other, it’s all they can think about. However, the ENFJ is usually the one to make the first overtures. INFJs are cautious and fearful of rejection. ENFJs bring gifts to the new partner, write e-mails, and arrange romantic evenings out. They like to talk about the relationship. INFJs are glad to hear the things that they, too, would like to say but are too shy to express.
Being idealists, both types tend to avoid acknowledging the normal ups and downs of a relationship. They may sweep problems under the rug when they should be handled openly. Resolving conflicts can clear the air. Both parties can learn new information that enables them to interact more meaningfully in the future.
Neither the INFJ nor the ENFJ wants to hear anything negative about their partner from friends. Both are sure they’ve made the right choice and don’t want to be told otherwise.
If a partner cheats on them or breaks up the relationship, they suffer considerably. They’re ashamed that things didn’t work out and feel that they’re somehow at fault. The split is likely to be more painful for INFJs than for ENFJs, who are more capable of moving on because of their outgoing nature.
If an INFJ and ENFJ decide to build a home together, their family life is likely to be active and happy. They generally make considerate partners and parents. When they’ve brought work home from the office or have personal chores that need doing, they’re willing to put them on hold to meet the needs of their partners and children. As a result, the children may find it easy to impose on their parents. ENFJs, particularly, need to be careful about letting family members take advantage of their easy-going nature.
Both types spend a good deal of their spare time reading. They encourage their children to enjoy books, taking them to the library and often reading to them at bedtime. They like attending educational events as a family. On the way home from a movie or play, ENFJs are likely to engage the children in conversation about the plot and characters. It pleases them to encourage their children to observe the world intelligently. INFJs, being more introspective, enjoy the exchanges but may not have a great deal to contribute.
If family problems arise, the parents may avoid discussing them at first, due to their aversion to conflict. When things get serious enough—and the happiness and comfort of others are at stake— they will bring the family together to resolve the issues. Both are good at fostering a cooperative and amiable home environment.
Secrets of Success
While the INFJ and ENFJ have a lot in common, they should realize that their privacy needs differ and should be respected. The INFJ needs time alone to read, work at the computer, and putter around the house. Some INFJs need the freedom to take retreats by themselves. On the other hand, the ENFJ is an outgoing person who needs to participate in group activities. The INFJ should participate frequently to strengthen their bond.
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